Saturday, December 10, 2011

Communication in Marriage

You often hear that communication is the most important key to a successful marriage.  Although, there are many other important aspects, the way we communicate has a lot to do with how successful our marriage is.  I read a book called, "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by, John Gottman.  This book talked a lot about how we should communicate with each other and what is affective or not.  Something that he emphasizes is that when we are in an argument with our spouse, we need to make repair attempts.  Repair attempts are trying to lighten up the argument by joking around, making funny faces or apologizing.  Repair attempts are very helpful for couples because it will help keep the arguments from escalating into something that can be dangerous.  Another way of bad communication is when you are invaladating your spouse by not giving affection back, not answering questions or responding to comments being made.  This communicational error can cause hurt feelings and anger.  Something else that this book talked about was called harsh start-up which is where you are trying to solve a problem but you begin by putting the person down.  By bringing something up with a soft start-up, you will have a much more successful and effecient discussion.
These tips for communicating with your spouse are going to be very helpful for when I am married.  I know that I will use these ideas probably quite often.

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